What We’ve Learned Pt. 2

 

baby

 

Things we’ve learned recently.

1.)         The “what’s in your mouth?” game. It turns out taste is one of our five senses for a reason. It happens to be how we discover things when we’re babies. At first, O would want to taste different foods, her fingers, my fingers, etc… Now, she’s more curious about dead moths, sand and clusters of dog hair. Luckily, I’ve learned her exact face when something not off of a plate ends up in her mouth. I look at her and ask, “What’s in your mouth?” And she crawls away, squealing and laughing. That’s when I know: it’s either alive, disgusting or both.

2.)         Baby proofing is no joke. There are literally hundreds of things in “What To Expect…” books that you can completely disregard. I hate to break it to you if you happen to be using it as your “how to parent” guide. However, when it comes to baby proofing-it’s serious business. For some strange reason, electrical sockets really are fascinating to children. Every cabinet is Narnia. Every trashcan is a treasure chest. Things need to be locked, blocked and picked up. Toilet seats need to be down. For God’s sake, make sure your toilet seats are always down.

3.)         Schedules are amazing. When baby girl was a newborn, day was night and vice versa. (Happens to most babies considering the lighting in the womb is dull at best.) Then, she would sleep on and off all day and all night. Then, she would sleep all through the night and surprise us with being overly tired at random times during the day. Finally, she got her groove. Finally, we’re at an exact schedule: complete with bedtimes, awake times and naptimes. I know when I can leave the house, I know when to have her toddler formula ready, a snack bar ready or a full meal ready, I know when to power down for sleep and when to splash some water on my face to get in full play mood. It. Is. Awesome.

What we’ve learned this last year.

1.)         Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. I used to laugh when people said this. However, there is some major truth to it. Everyday, we are solely responsible for keeping a person alive. Do you know that we don’t get paid for that? For literally keeping a human alive? If you skip lunch at a normal job, you can eat a snack at your desk. If you skip lunch as a parent, you go to bed with a stomach only slightly full of Rice Chex and Goldfish. Partied too hard the night before? Slack off at work and catch up the next day. Stayed up too late cleaning the kitchen for the first time all week? She’s still going to expect you to be up at 7:00 am and ready to mess it up again. You think your boss is mean? Mine constantly wants to pluck my eyelashes out and loves it when I hop around like a frog in the middle of the grocery store. And most importantly, if you’re late to a normal job, you stay late that day. If you’re late to parenthood, you can’t get that time back. Ever.

2.)         Being a parent is the easiest job in the world. I know, you’re probably like, “oh damn, is she about to get all deep and profound on us right now?” Yes. Yes, I am. I can’t think of a single occupation where one has this much fun. Or when a paycheck of smiles and hugs feels ten times better than money ever would. I’m not going to ever be promoted or retire. I’m not going to be able to hire a replacement when I need some time off. My job isn’t normal. But I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.