I am going to respond to an article I read. I have posted this article above and encourage you to read it, especially if you have a daughter.
However, if you’re too lazy or disinterested (I get it. Really, I do) to read the full article, let me offer you a recap.
This article is titled “Why Your Daughter wants to be a Porn Star.” When I saw this headline, I looked at my three-month-old baby, her leg trying desperately to kick out of her footy pajamas, and asked her, “Why do you want to be a porn star?”
Apparently, if she does grow up wanting to be in the porn industry (so help me Jesus) it’s my entire fault. Or, at least, according to this article.
Jennie Ketcham, famous for leaving the porn industry and then entering a sex addiction rehab with Dr. Drew, and then speaking with every talk show host in the world about it, lists ten things parents are doing that lead to girls wanting to be porn stars.
Let me start off by saying, I detest pornography. Even using the term “porn star” bothers me, because it insinuates that a life in that industry will lead to something positive. Which, it absolutely never does.
Those sixty-year-old women who look like knock-off leather hand bags that claim to be happy and fulfilled by spending their whole life in porn are full of shit. They have no idea what spending every waking hour with a man you love feels like, or how rewarding it is to reserve your sexuality for one person.
I am not, by any means, preaching abstinence here. I just firmly believe in the middle ground between abstinence and screwing four guys in front of a webcam.
ANYWAY. Because of my distaste for porn and everything it represents, this article’s title was my biggest fear realized. If O ever told me she wanted to be in porn, be a stripper, or the like, I can only imagine locking her in the basement with a Pre-Med For Dummies handbook and forcing her to write essays on every chapter.
The point of Jennie’s article was that it was her parents’ fault for her becoming a porn star. She stated that her parents fell into six out of the ten categories that represent ways in which parents subconsciously lead our daughters to become pornography starlets.
I don’t have the energy to vent about each and every category, but some drive me crazier than others.
The first one is a doozy.
Because you loved her enough…but you didn’t love her right. Which, she says, leads to her inability to connect intimately. However, she doesn’t go into any more detail. So, what you can take away from that is this: you better hope you’re loving your kid “right”, which I’m sure there is only one way, because if not it could mean watching your little girl get an AVN award for best on-screen blow job.
Because you were her friend, and not her parent. While I know this type of parenting can lead to many issues in both the child’s adult life and the parent-kid relationship, I can only see this being a problem after the young girl decides to be in the industry.
My mother walked the line perfectly. I refer to her as my best friend, and the world’s most amazing parent. If she had been too much of my friend, and I came to her saying I was thinking about auditioning for a porno, she’d say “Okay, girlfriend, try to get me tickets to all the parties! Hashtag!” As opposed to saying, “absolutely not” and teaching me a different way.
Numbers six and seven can go together, and they are the two that I can actually sort of agree with…sort of. Because you let her watch insane amounts of television and Because you gave her a Smartphone when she was ten. Much like being a friend more than a parent, it is easy to see how these two things lead to many issues. Everything on television is over-sexualized and casual. However, watching a bunch of women twerk around has never automatically made me feel comfortable being naked in public.
Ketcham’s issue with the Smartphone is very valid, however. When you give a child a cell phone in today’s society, especially a girl, it’s easy to fall into the wrong habits. Selfies become naked pictures, etc. If you choose to give your daughter a cell phone when she’s young, it’s how to teach her self-respect that will dictate that path.
Because her friends want to be porn stars, Playboy models, the Bachelorette or any other exaggerated and hyper-sexualized version of a real woman. Especially when your friends want to be Hannah Montana and then Hannah Montana starts grocery shopping with no pants on. (What did her parents do wrong, exactly?) As a parent, you can only raise your own child. It’s very important to be close to her friends, to know who they are, but to not dictate who she can and cannot be friends with. I had plenty of “bad crowd” friends as I got older. But I had the skill of knowing and choosing who would be there in the long run.
I can agree that a parent who lets their child be raised by the Bad Girls Club and takes half naked selfies with her daughter and her daughter’s friends is setting herself up for more of a disaster than the good, or even average, mom.
But, number ten on this list states Because you did your best to raise her right…but it wasn’t enough. And that’s it. That’s number ten. No explanation. Even you don’t fall into those other categories, even if you’re an amazing mom, it’s still your fault if your daughter wants to be a porn star.
In conclusion, Ketcham explains that the environment you create for your children will lead them to either be a neuroscientist, a porn star or somewhere in the Grand Canyon sized gap in between. Grand Canyon? A Grand Canyon sized gap would be between a porn star and the out-of-work-actress-turned-waiter who takes her top off as an extra just to get her name on the credits.
Of course the environment you create plays a large role in the person your baby grows up to be. If you don’t try, she may strive to be better than you…or she may be a porn star. If you try too hard she may rebel against you…and end up a porn star.
So, as Ketcham says, “remember you are a few choices away from creating an environment in which she believes a career in pornography is the best path for her.”
Let’s just say I hope feeding three ounces this last feeding instead of four isn’t giving her any funny ideas.
For Goodness Sake, PUT A SHIRT ON KID!